Slow learning.

When I tell you I take life exactly the way it is, I’m full of shit.

It’s just not true.

When I tell you I learned how not to worry, how to stay close to the True Self all the time without losing myself in scary stories, I would be lying.

Because sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t.

Sometimes I take the (made-up) beatings with a big smile, and sometimes I just dig myself into a narrow hole and wonder why I don’t see the light anymore.

It’s how this works.

If this is a game, you might learn how to play it with more fun and trust and gusto, but you’ll never truly master it.

Life is just too fluid, to unpredictable, to in-the-moment.

It takes an ego, this cocky collection of personal thoughts without a sense of humor, to go for the ultimate control, even if it’s disguised as letting go.

Only the ego will try to stop trying.

It’s how it works.

Every single time you feel like you have figured it out, you’ll find out you were wrong.

We are the only creatures in the world who can see that worrying never leads to something, yet do it all over again five minutes later.

We learn, but only very slowly.

Like there’s this built-in part that automatically erases the conclusions that would help us get out of this mess.

We see, and then we’re blind again.

It’s how it works.

And if you ask me, it’s more than brilliant.

 

(Photo by @josephgruenthal, for Unsplash)


I.

I.

28/07/2020
Not me.

Not me.

12/10/2019
Dear universe,

Dear universe,

14/01/2020