You will always be there.

apr 11, 2021 | Awakening, English, Insights, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Spirituality

Losing all I’ve learned.

It seems to be my thing.

Gathering all this information, reading all the books, hoarding mountains of knowledge, only to see it taken away from me, just like that.

One morning after I had been studying non-duality for two years, I found myself with a big gaping hole where all I had mentally acquired used to be.

I had no idea anymore.

After all these months of meticulously building a spiritual cathedral that was supposed to be my future, it just vanished into thin air.

Poof.

It was scary and utterly confusing.

My cherished fresh identity as a guru-to-be was no longer there.

Everything was gone, and the only thing that remained was…

Everything.

Yeah.

You can’t lose who you really are.

Consciousness will not evaporate, diminish, run away from you or fall apart.

Even when in existential doubt or burning misery or anxiety, there is still the notion, the experiencing, of doubt and misery and anxiety.

The whole build-up was and can be really useful.

All the stuff I had learned chiseled away some of my more stubborn thought patterns and ideas about life, and at the same time passionately fueled the longing for peace of mind and a more expansive all-round experience.

And when it was gone, after the Big Poof, I was still there.

Of course.

This is why knowledge is never the ultimate answer, although it most definitely can be the doorway, the bridge, the chisel.

There is no real freedom in thinking, but there is freedom from it.

It’s really cool to know stuff.

And it’s just as okay to lose it.

You’re still there.

What a relief.

 

 

(Photo by @sam_truong, for Unsplash)