Trusting the bigger picture.

apr 24, 2021 | Addiction, Awakening, English, Insights, Personal, Purpose and Meaning, Spirituality

What if you don’t really have a clue?

(Because it is actually true.)
What if you think you know what you need, what you want, what would make your life complete… but it’s mostly rubbish?
You see, I mastered in addiction, depression, anxiety and being a cynical cowardly idiot because I was held hostage by addiction, depression and anxiety.
That painful and dark history (which took almost 30 years of my life) was part of my specific curriculum.
It almost destroyed me, but it also inspired me to find the strength to change it all.
To start fresh.
To not want all of that anymore.
So it was good, it turned out really well.
But I had no clue.
I never picked this road.
I didn’t say ‘please make me miserable for decades so I can appreciate life in a completely new way after I have lived through suicidal ideation!’.
Yet it happened.
And it turned out to be essential for who I am right now, where I am, how I feel, what I do, what I care about and how I trust life.
I didn’t know, I didn’t aspire to receive all the pain and confusion and hangovers.
But I got lost in it anyway, almost drowned in it, which prepared me for a kind of resurrection and a life filled with light and appreciation.
I didn’t know.
Because how could I?
We don’t know what it means, where it will bring us, how we someday will look back and realize how important and valuable it was, what it taught us.
We don’t understand pain and misery and crippling doubt from a broader perspective.
We are just not capable of seeing the bigger picture.
But we at least can know THAT.
We can be aware of the fact that we’re not aware, that we haven’t got a clue what it all means and where it will take us, and by doing so avoid the bigger craziness and despair.
We really haven’t got a clue.
And if you can change that from a terrifying conclusion to an exciting mantra, you are good to go.
So… what’s next!
(Photo by @ibrahimmushan, for Unsplash)

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