A few minutes ago I was writing a blog about therapy.
How most mainstream forms of mental health interventions are like trying to paint a giant wall with a cotton swab.
Sort of helpful, but really slow and draining.
I kinda liked the analogy, but I didn’t like where it was going.
It didn’t feel good.
Criticism has stopped being my thing.
My favorite and well-used weapons of choice like cynicism and sarcasm and verbal aggression and endless comparison were gently taken away from me over the last couple of years.
For a really long time, they were useful as a way to distance myself from people I didn’t trust (almost every inhabitant of the planet), but they stopped having relevance.
They don’t feel good, they don’t feel like ME.
And I stopped appreciating it in others too.
This unfolding and recognizing of a less judgmental and negative tendency within me has been both interesting and liberating, and unsettling and confusing.
When particular behavior has been a profound part of your human way to go about life, it can be hard to release and change.
I am not saying that all the fierce traits I stopped appreciating are bad or ‘less evolved’ or amoral or anything subjective like that: they just don’t belong to how and who I want to be anymore.
They don’t feel good.
And feeling good is my sole purpose in life.
Because feeling good means I am doing what truly fits me, what inspires me, what makes me happy and fulfilled and satisfied.
Feeling good means I am powerful and creative and I can move mountains.
Amazing shifts happen when I feel good, because feeling good is the universe’s way to tell you straight away ‘Yeah, right on, do more of this you ridiculously beautiful creature!!’.
I want to rest in joy.
And it is the only thing I want to cultivate and live from because I’ve tried the other side and it almost killed me.
There’s a light within that guides us.
And following it no matter what will help you shed all the shit you don’t need.
The light will shine on everything that is not helpful, that holds you back, that makes you smaller than you truly are.
Let it paint your life.
(Photo by @leonseierlein, for Unsplash)