Watching porn (and other enlightened stuff).

The following might be obvious to some, and a shock to others:

I am not a flawless person.

Nope.

I haven’t transcended my humanness.

I am not completely awake and wise beyond conditioning (LOL).

I am not perfect and brilliant and poetically engaged and non-judgmental all the time.

Not even close.

The reason I am sharing this, is that I realized today that my posts may project an image of wisdom and utter positivity and really knowing where I’m going in life, like enlightened messages from a bearded angel on earth.

But that’s not what’s going on, and I don’t want to pretend it is.

I am still fucked up regularly (although a million times less than before).

I judge, I criticize, I quite often feel superior and jealous and all of these other dubiously delicious human traits that are sometimes deemed ‘nonspiritual’.

I am fasting all the time and work out every day, because I can’t seem to accept the fat around my waist (which refuses to leave my body, something that frustrates the hell out of me).

I watch porn and enjoy it.

I never give money to homeless people.

I am not interested in debating global political conflicts.

I really love money (something that took me ages to learn) and appreciate shiny stuff.

I am too lazy to learn how to fix my own taxes or do other administrative chores, and I am completely at ease with that.

I am unashamedly direct.

And there’s a lot more.

It just seemed fair to let you know.

Because it’s all too easy to think somebody you don’t really know is ten steps ahead of you, and then feel bad or inferior because of that misconception.

I am full of conditioning and weird habits, just like you, but what has changed for me is that I’ve found a vast amount of space around all of that crap.

Or most of it, at least.

A lot, let’s keep it at that.

And this space gives me choices, many, many choices, and new starting points.

I don’t think the whole reason for or goal of being here is to leave our humanness behind and become some sort of Slick Spiritual Superhero.

What if we ‘just’ (yeah, I know) learn to fully accept our experience, whatever experience, not take it too seriously, and learn how to play with it and have fun as much as we can?

What if the juice of life is joy, and what if we learn to leisurely float in it, with or without our sometimes ridiculously stupid programming?

I don’t know, not for sure.

But what I DO know is that I truly love and appreciate life in a way I didn’t know was even possible, and what I DO know is that I feel inspired like never before, most of the day, for hours and hours and hours.

I am very happy, very often.

And that is all true, and real, and priceless.

(Photo by @theeastlondonphotographer, for Unsplash)


Am I for real?

Am I for real?

10/04/2021
Ik houd van jou.

Ik houd van jou.

05/10/2018