Feeling lost is not the same as BEING lost.
I guess that’s what I wanted to express with my previous post.
The first is a shitty experience; the second a hopeless one.
I am fine, really.
That’s the thing that is probably the hardest to comprehend when you read about my present situation.
We all read and hear stuff and fill in the blanks from our personal experience, and take it from there.
That’s why one single post can be experienced in a million different ways.
That’s why my little story can be regarded as strong and hopeful AND a cry for help.
I find it totally surprising and miraculous how the Marnix character can act out his confusion all day long, utterly convincing and convinced, while at the same time there is a bigger understanding humming in the background.
How can you be dark AND light?
How can you be lost AND perfectly fine?
Well, that’s not exactly how it works.
The dark and the feeling lost are nothing more than experiences within the light and the profound sensation of being perfectly fine.
It just SEEMS to be a paradox.
I am always striving to make things simpler, not more complicated.
The complexity always and only always comes from the personal mind with its tendency to conceptualize and divide and polarize and label, while the simplicity is what is before an during and after all the hassle.
Simplicity is what is, this grand gesture we call life, this effortless unfolding that leaves so much space for misunderstanding.
Sometimes we have to fight our way through the seemingly unconquerable, towering complications we encounter, only to recognize them as fleeting, illusory, masterfully fake.
We are unbreakable.
I used to get totally lost in my smoldering daymares, and in the past it took me weeks or even months to find the way out.
I used to go to war and lose, while peace was silently, lovingly watching all along.
Sometimes life just burps up shitty shit, and it’s merely the level of grounding and recognition of our true nature, that makes the difference between being in hell or in a really good escape room.
The complexity is here to help us long for what is simple.
Find that, feel it, it’s always there.
(Photo by @seffen99, for Unsplash)