I’ve had various profound spiritual experiences.

There was this moment where I somehow dissolved and fully understood the dynamic perfection of the universe, while seeing everything as part of a giant, uniquely aligned, intelligent system.

There was the time when I realized that the consciousness I had been looking for all these long, painful years, that the illustrious awareness I read about so much, was already there, looking through my eyes.

Trying to find itself.

And then there were many more, smaller ones, pieces of an unknown puzzle falling in place, insights that cracked open old painful beliefs.

Many, many more.

I have no clue what it all means, and that’s one of the reasons why it’s so amazing to be a human:

We just CREATE meaning.

We tell stories, believe them, are influenced by them, feel depressed or victorious because of them.

They are as real and as valuable as we think they are, and that can totally change.

The thing that is extremely important today, can be utterly meaningless tomorrow.

And one of the most amazing things about all of this:

We can be totally intellectually aware of how this constant creation plays out, yet still get caught up in it all the time.

We can’t think ourselves out of this wonderful predicament.

Our life with all its intricacies just seems SO real and true, even if we somehow realize that it’s not, not really.

So we can’t treat life exactly the way we want or wish, but we can learn to not be afraid of it so much.

And that is a game-changer.

It’s some kind of divine relaxation.

After many cool insights and revelations, it’s still incomprehensible to me how something that ‘just’ happens all the time, this magical unfolding, can be accompanied by so many feelings and ideas around responsibility and personal choice and control.

Just imagine the awesomeness of a creation that leaves all the room in the world for the idea that most of it is up to us, even when we see constant proof of the opposite.

That is beyond brilliance.

I guess that this whole ‘spiritual awakening’ thing is about feeling the sheer power of that brilliance, being inspired by it, without ever understanding it.

And it doesn’t matter.

More and more it seems like I am able to be happy being alive, even when I’m not happy (which sounds like a contradiction, but you probably get what I mean).

This is something you can’t read yourself into.

It can’t be explained by somebody else and then used as a recipe.

It has to be lived.

It has to be experienced.

That is all.

ALL is that.

(Photo by @timothyeberly, for Unsplash)

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