After 54 years of

Self-help books

Therapy

Training

Coaching

Medication

Healing

Exercising

Writing

Meditating

Talking

Trying

Changing

Or deliberately letting go,

I can still not just sit still without doing anything.

There is ALWAYS a purpose, an idea, a suggestion, or a goal behind anything I do.

It is very easy to make sitting still into a thing.

The next challenge.

The ultimate proof of not needing anything.

Working really hard to Just Be.

Buy an app.

Buy the books.

Buy a course.

Start your 10,000 hours journey.

Just to scratch the itch.

I am so fucking restless.

So full of broken promises.

So loaded with unfulfilled ideas.

The mind simply doesn’t give up.

And I could easily make THAT into a thing (and I tried).

The pain and the dread and the impatience are in the realization of how impossible it is to satisfy this hungry system, ever.

It will never be enough for a mind that is only looking outwards to keep itself relevant, over and over and over again.

That is the bad news.

And it’s also the good news.

Because if you can’t win, you can start to enjoy the game.

And there is absolutely no way to lose.

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(Photo @polarmermaid, for Unsplash)