Sometimes I wonder what the value of my writing is, for you, the reader.
Not in a dramatic hands-to-the-sky kind of way, but quite neutral.
I’ve read a crazy amount of things in my life and I still do, and most of that stuff is forgotten the moment it has passed my attention.
So I wonder where my stuff fits in.
Is it mere entertainment, is it an acknowledgment of what you already know and think, is it a bit of distraction, or is it ‘Fuck, I’ve NEVER considered this before!’?
Or all of the above?
I just wonder.
This is not a poll.
I don’t expect you to enlighten me with your ideas, you have no responsibility whatsoever, but if you have them: let me know.
It’s just that, like I’ve said before, I always think about stuff.
Things most of us take for granted are constantly shoved into my face, and I think about them, really for the first time ever.
We’ve accepted so many things from other people.
That’s a tremendously helpful system in many cases, but it also means that huge chunks of our belief system have never been truly investigated or scrutinized.
Now I’m not saying you should, at all.
Whatever interests you is whatever is part of your world.
It has never been my personal goal or ambition to obsessively chew on stuff that most people discard.
But here I am, anyway.
If you’d ask me to come up with a theory for this I could most certainly make one up.
Right now it seems that most of my beliefs are shipped off to some far-away place, at a pretty high pace, and in the spirit of that, all these childlike questions about many formerly normal and obvious things come up.
My life, my world, and my general outlook on all things are quickly discarded, and that apparently comes with questions and observations.
For years I’ve told people that there’s a strong, undeniable longing for extreme simplicity within me.
And the ultimate form of simplicity seems to be the fact of not knowing.
I’ve been realizing for a while that I’ve never really known anything, just innocently pretended and believed I did, as we all do.
When the world of the mind and its ideas and concepts is seriously questioned, when the content of life is addressed with fresh curiosity, an immense amount of assumptions fall away or just stop making sense.
I always thought I knew a LOT of things, but that turned out to be a carefully crafted house of enticing, transparent cards.
What’s clear to me, right now, is that the only thing I REALLY know without a doubt and without the need for a concept or a frame of mind, is that I exist.
I’m alive, and everything after that is creation with an attitude.
I’m alive, and I’m aware of that.
Guess it won’t get any simpler.
(Photo by @sirisvisual, for Unsplash)