This morning I meditated for 8 minutes.
Half an hour prior to that, I’d woken up with a heavy feeling that made me scroll YouTube for a bit of relief, and I found this little video.
It was good.
For the moment.
For this morning.
During this session, a thought came up that said
‘You should do this more often.’
‘Remember this, do this more often, and the world will be better!’
You know that one, don’t you?
I don’t meditate, unless I do.
And I don’t read anything into that.
For me this is so obviously the nature of life, where curiosity or pain are temporarily followed, action is taken, and that’s about it.
If it was really up to me I’d probably be a meditator.
Or a non-dualist.
Or a self-help guru.
Or a black belt whateverthefuck.
But it’s obviously not up to me, at all, and all these activities and interests just come and go, whether I love them or not and want to hang on to them or not.
Sometimes I meditate, most of the time I don’t.
Sometimes I pray.
Sometimes I eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
It’s not who I am, it’s simply what happens.
And what happens nowadays seems to be more natural and less restricted, much simpler and way less serious.
Turning things into important things is just life too.
It’s what creates all the personal flavors and their differences, the stuff we can identify with and wear like societal outfits.
A couple of years ago I hooked up with an agent who was supposed to bring me a lot of interesting gigs, like tv-appearances and lectures and all kinds of paid sessions.
They couldn’t sell me as a specific Thing.
‘We don’t know where to place you, or what to call you, sorry.’
And that was a big problem, at least in a world where people hire other people because of cool keywords, smart descriptions, and gimmicky professions.
That wasn’t me.
When I started to write this blog I didn’t know where it would take me, but the general idea was to underline my lack of personal involvement and the randomness of things I do.
Most things I like for a little while, and sometimes I even get obsessed with them.
And then one morning I wake up and they’ve simply stopped being important.
It’s not my choice because it kinda sucks.
But it’s just like that.
Life is that.
To meditate or not, that’s the question.
The answer is always found in the moment.
(Photo by @khouser01, for Unsplash)