This is what I did:
I didn’t realize it all those years, but now I do.
I was just waiting, dwelling, drifting.
Waiting for the right moment, the right me, the right time.
It was comfortable and safe.
Sometimes it was even blissful.
I was quite content, and this period in my life, these last ten years, allowed me to replenish my energy and start feeling hopeful again.
I got to breathe.
It learned me a lot about being aware, seeing as The Witness, and feeling that ever-present power that is the divine energy in everything.
So it was helpful and much needed.
But it was also incredibly passive.
Because although I did a lot and read a lot and wrote a lot, it was more about establishing a certain state, this sense of awareness, and not about going anywhere, making stuff happen, CREATING the things in life that I really wanted.
I now see that this was absolutely perfect.
Things like non-duality and the 3 Principles can create this solid platform, this grounding and connection, this conscious knowing of the power behind life.
It’s just that I didn’t realize that this power, which has a really energetic presence, wasn’t just for resting and relaxing.
It’s literally the power of creation.
You can use it any way you want (and we all do, constantly), and that’s what I saw recently.
It can be a totally deliberate thing.
Not just a ‘yeah well everything simply happens and I don’t really exist anyway, so Namaste!’ conclusion, but something we can pick up and play with and run with.
I know this, because I’m doing it.
I just got so fucking bored with the waiting, and all the hard work it took to stay satisfied with the lack of excitement, fun, and results.
Being a Big Walking Spiritual Smile That Most People Find Inoffensive doesn’t cut it for me anymore.
I want the stuff, the things, the fun, the power, and the adrenalin.
I want the rush of creation, the thrill of crushing limits, and being the brightest light instead of waiting in the shadows.
I want the stuff that I want and I’m gonna get it too.
Believe me, there’s no irony in my deep gratitude for the slow spiritual process, the years of wanting to transcend and dissolving into the universe.
It was good and it was helpful.
But the waiting is absolutely over.
(Does this resonate with you? Do you feel like you’re on the sideline, merely being a good spiritual boy or girl, trying to be content enough? Are you secretly fed up with the ‘it is what it is’ mantra, and would you LOVE to create a life filled with everything you want, including all the stuff and luxury and shiny things, without shame or guilt? I get it.
Let’s do it, mail me!)
(Photo by @karsten116, for Unsplash)